Recently, I received an e-mail from a GOW who was totally disturbed by the lack of support and encouragement she received when she posted her GOW issue on a different kind of WOW/GOW site (not my site). In her words: "One blog owner advised that if my W were really over his LW and ready to move on with life, then he should have no problem with my issue. Another one told me to just get over it as I had him now and she was dead."
How truly sad, misinformed, and misguided these other so-called "experts" are.
There is a reason why I call my forum “The Official WOW/GOW Message Board” (and yes, it’s copyrighted!): because there is not another one like it in cyberspace! No other board is run by a GOW/WOW who has not only had a book published on the subject, but has had over a decade of grief counselling and bereavement recovery experience. Not to boast, but I bring to my board both personal AND professional experience. That being said, the “other” boards/blogs/forums really irritate me because they tend to be non-productive, non-supportive, and definitely short sighted and lacking in real expertise.
One such forum that really burns me up is run by a widower who thinks he can counsel GOWs and WOWs just because he remarried and wrote a book about it! Puh-lease…give me strength! Most of the time, when a GOW or WOW posts her issues to his blog, he minimizes her feelings and just tells her to shove off, get away from W, dump him, and move on. But when a GOW or WOW has invested much of herself, her love, her hopes, her dreams, and yes, her life to the relationship, these harsh words do mor eharm than good...and it's time to set the record straight.
Lest anyone think I am posting this blog because I am competitive, jealous, or feel threatened by the aforementioned "other" forums, let me state for the record the following: I have NEVER tried to steer my board members away from something besides me and/or my book if I thought it'd be helpful to them. In fact, I would search (and have searched) heaven and earth for ANY good literature for them IF I thought it would help them. And if I thought for one minute that these other forums were truly beneficial, I would post the web address for all to see and visit.
However, I am of the opinion that those who have never walked in GOW or WOW shoes have no business advising those who do. It'd be like a man advising a woman about childbirth: sure, he might know the mechancics, the medical facts, and process from start to finish. But he would NEVER be able to advise her as to how it FEELS, emotionally speaking, to birth a child and/or be a mother because, simply put, he is not a woman, and thus, has never personally experienced birth!
Therefore, ladies, be careful "out there" in cyberspace. Thanks to POD publishing technology, ANYONE can write a book....but that doesn't always mean they have the experience or expertise to back it up. Do yourselves a favour and think twice before "nodding and smiling" for any cyberspace "expert" who lacks the credentials and experience necessary to validate you as you journey along as a GOW/WOW. Anyone can throw together a website these days and claim to be an "expert", so don;t be intimidated! Do your research and ask questions before baring your soul to someone who has never worn your moccasins, lest you find yourselves mislead or, worse, discouraged.