tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post599482876886313097..comments2023-09-19T04:35:47.067-04:00Comments on Loving A Widower....a blog by author Julie Donner Andersen: Enough Already! (When The Widower Talks Endlessly About His LW)Julie Donner Andersen. authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03762949807031902269noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-76701900150993277522019-06-26T12:45:34.461-04:002019-06-26T12:45:34.461-04:00I can relate to an extent. I have been married to ...I can relate to an extent. I have been married to a widower for about a year. He described that his marriage was really rough, a marriage lacking intimacy on all levels, and even lightly discussed having an affair on his spouse until she became ill.I now believe he lives with a tremendous amount of guilt and I am hoping that is where a lot of his "stuff" comes from. I think guilt changes our behavior. Well, this has been a challenge for me at times and sometimes I feel my feelings get pushed aside. He will ask me is it ok when I put something of hers somewhere...and I feel compelled to say yes, but I have gotten better at speaking up when its not. When we were amongst wedding planning (with our pastor present) he called me by her name. He quickly apologized but that hit me like a ton of bricks. After we got married anytime we would go out alone, she would could up in conversation, and then...then there's social media. I have now dread Mother's Day, her birthday, and as well the anniversary of her death. I struggle with seeing posts saying he misses her. I feel hurt when I see them. When we moved in together he began hanging wedding pictures in his one son's bedroom that he found while packing others away. Pictures that weren't displayed. This isn't a picture to remind his son of his memories of his mom. This was for him I suppose. I did set some boundaries with some of the photos and said no, not here and explained why and what bothered me. I made a memory garden for the kids for their mother as well. I try my hardest to love them and help them to process the grief and just be a friend for them. I'm struggling to cope with a lot of this and I don't know where to turn. I'm fearful of coming off as insensitive, but I feel my feelings get pushed aside. I've heard stories no one wants to hear about your husbands first wife. I've also found that my spouse had more than one affair on his deceased wife that he wasn't honest with me about. Likely, because he was afraid I'd run for the hills, was feeling guilty and ashamed. It makes me doubt his feelings for me. When I see paragraphs written on Mothers Day to her, and a quick happy mothers day to me it makes me feel insignificant. I also feel he does this to show others; does it to save face. She has a small family, and I have befriended them and they have accepted me as family. That, I do appreciated. We have a son with special needs who will always be at home. He is 10+ years older than me. Eventually, he will pass and I will be the sole caregiver from my step son. He also has asked me about purchasing a burial plot next to him and his former wife. I told him absolutely not. I don't want to be buried there and I don't want to be cremated. (That's the only option in that cemetery). He wants buried next to both of us. Yeah, not happening. They share a tombstone, and I want nothing of being the buried next to them both. So, what will happen with that is hard to say. Anyways, I guess my biggest struggle is feeling hurt yet feeling bad for feeling this way. It's a terrible feeling. I am fearful of telling him when my feelings are hurt because I feel guilty for feeling this way. I also struggle with the hypocrisy of it all. I struggle with the fact that he has had numerous affairs and wanted a divorce until she was diagnosed. She only lived a few months passed her initial diagnosis. He has had zero closure with her on their bad marriage which I believe compounds his guilt too. In the present, I need to see social media posts saying he misses her. Really? I know illness changes so many things, and so does death. But, I can't grasp that in my own head. I just don't understand. I don't want to hurt him. I honestly think I may seek professional help to deal and cope with this because it's affecting me so negatively. I need to find peace with this somehow. I know he loves me... Any advice would be much appreciated. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-82413521756919120162018-03-07T18:14:26.985-05:002018-03-07T18:14:26.985-05:00I’m feeling so much empathy for the people here - ...I’m feeling so much empathy for the people here - both sides - but I just wish I had know ahead of time, the extent of feeling less than and “second” being in a relationship with a widower for almost 3 years now. I have my place (I rent and am divorced and basically renting a tiny place on a big property - what I can afford!) he has his own home 15 minutes away, two grown children still living there, all her pics on walls, her things her kitchen her plants basically her house still- and he spends every single night at my house and I do not or am not at his house at all. His sons are fighting and have gotten physical with each other - and I just don’t want to be there) they should move and he’s told them to go and be adults, but nothing changes. I have no alone time and yet he does and goes there to “clean” and empty out the basement - says he wants to sell his house and buy one to live with me. I am tired of the same things - hearing about their vacations and stories I just am not wanting to hear. Got into his truck on Valentine’s Day, went to put a bag into the back and saw old silk flowers like he had gone and decorated her grave for Valentine’s Day and i felt like I couldn’t say a word, but this is just not sitting well with me. Not only do I feel like a heel for the way it makes me feel, I can’t even say anything without sounding stupid and petty. He says he loves me, they had a strained relationship from ALL the stories I’ve had to hear over and over, but they were married for 35 years, 3 kids and I just think I need someone to love me and make me feel like I am not only there because someone dead. Help ��<br />Michelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04764570588290991493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-44797368295036211132017-11-11T18:38:00.890-05:002017-11-11T18:38:00.890-05:00I stumbled on this while trying to figure out how ...I stumbled on this while trying to figure out how to pen an email to my widower husband. I am simply tired, I am tired of let's go visit this one or that one and it becomes a trip down his and her memory lane. Let's go on vacation here...oh and let me tell you about when X and I were here it was the best time I ever had. Can't go to Hawaii because "that's a once in a lifetime vacation and X and I went there. So over thisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-48273323948376845362017-08-20T15:26:48.554-04:002017-08-20T15:26:48.554-04:00Go very, very slowly, and I mean YEARS of slowness...Go very, very slowly, and I mean YEARS of slowness. Just date him for that long. I wish I had taken that advice. My W and I married after 9 months of a very torrid and exciting love affair, and three years after he was widowed. All was great at first, but after three years I realize that he has been trying to make me into his dead wife's image all this time so he can try to recapture that marriage and relationship. Now he is disillusioned with me because I can't live up to that, and wouldn't even want to try. His first wife was very subservient to him - I can't believe I didn't see that as a warning sign. Now I'm not sure our marriage will even survive. I'm heartbroken and wish I'd never let him into my heart.RMGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09112187954756964514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-28360423415158008122017-08-20T15:20:17.185-04:002017-08-20T15:20:17.185-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.RMGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09112187954756964514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-68602741722929837792017-06-28T08:53:48.320-04:002017-06-28T08:53:48.320-04:00I have just split with a W because I couldn't ...I have just split with a W because I couldn't cope with constant reference to his wife, who died 8 or 9 years ago now. <br /><br />When we met two and a half years ago he had had bereavement counselling as he couldn't get over his grief and he considered himself ready to move on in a relationship.<br /><br />That didn't stop him talking constantly about his wife, as though the very name would soothe him. I counted at one point he mentioned her 34 times in one day. He wore their wedding and engagement rings on a chain around his neck and once even made love to me with the sound of them tinkling in my ear. I was so upset then that I wanted to split, but he removed the rings and we went on to have a good relationship for a couple of years. There are still photos of his dead wife all over his house and he constantly uses 'we' when I think he should be saying 'I' and refers to his home as 'ours' rather than 'mine'. My birthday is never celebrated but I hear of which restaurants Dead Wife was taken to. I began to feel like a second class citizen when I wanted to be made to feel special.<br /><br />The crunch came out of something trivial really. I had seen some pearls at a car boot sale some six weeks ago but thought they were too expensive but looked back periodically to see if the same trader was there and last week I managed to buy the necklace at a good price, so was really pleased and chatted to him about them. He took the wind right out of my sails when he started talking about Dead Wife's pearls and where they bought them on Jersey. I was so deflated and I knew right then that time will change nothing and the only way to take was out. <br /><br />I am not sure I ever want a relationship now but it certainly won't be with a widower.Mojo1953https://www.blogger.com/profile/10475610395124208880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-53971074885517783472017-03-09T23:43:59.724-05:002017-03-09T23:43:59.724-05:00I am married to a W. He talked consistly about his...I am married to a W. He talked consistly about his wife. Once he asked me was I jealous of his wife?<br />Today is her birthday and he is sad and he visits the cemetery. He feels guilty because he ran around on me and her with different women. What do you say and do? I live in he shadow allthe the time. His daughter and he put something on Facebook about her birthday. Help me to relate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-34407596899038450002016-10-02T01:37:14.361-04:002016-10-02T01:37:14.361-04:00Am still last on his list and i've been marrie...Am still last on his list and i've been married to a w for 14 years his wife has been died 17 + years and he still celebrates all there special days and never mine or ours together he doesnt even remember our kids that we have together talk about a good slap in the face and stab in our hearts Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-56543369254965420622016-08-17T16:51:54.157-04:002016-08-17T16:51:54.157-04:00Hi everyone,
I have been dating a widower for near...Hi everyone,<br />I have been dating a widower for nearly 20 months, he is the same age as me, his wife died 9 years ago & I never knew her.<br />I am quite a sympathetic person & always support people with their problems however after hearing about the LW day in day out from him for 3 months & especially late at night on the telephone (when he'd had a drink) I'd had enough.<br />I felt he took my dympathy too far & I refused to answer the phone for over a day, he obviously realised something was wrong & asked the advice of my friend (who was very supportive).<br />We have come quite a way but sometimes he is quite impulsive & not always rational, I feel I have done a lot of giving but sometimes I feel like #1.<br />Iv had my own grief coming out of a psychologically toxic relationship & feel that my pain is not always acknowledged.<br />I have had to run the gauntlet of the relatives immortalising her on social media, the friends partners openly comparing me to her & some of his extended family going on about her in my company.<br />I hate being compared to someone else, I refuse to be in competition with a ghost, I have stood my ground & although I let things go the first time these instances happen, I refuse to be submitted to it a second time.<br />I feel at times I am taken for granted & put up with things she wouldn't have done, this is when I reflect & become anxious. Why should I come second best?<br />Iv spent sometime in his home recently & although he no longer has pictures of her everywhere (his choice not mine) & he has removed a lot of items that he no longer needs, he still has her suitcase & other items which no one will ever use.<br />I am frightened that I am just a replacement & I can't manage with the situation.<br />He is very affectionate & strong but I really struggle at times.<br />He has asked me to marry him but I'm not sure I want to anymore.Headinamesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14207954073510743134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-61974554324433136752016-06-14T20:32:34.005-04:002016-06-14T20:32:34.005-04:00I understand. My husband is being buried next to h...I understand. My husband is being buried next to his deceased wife which is designed with their weddng date and wedding rings with being together eternally. He stands firm with this. I am also a widow who lost my husband two weeks before he lost his wife. My husband was cremated. My husband says she will always be his wife but I am his wife now. This is extremely painful for me and to the point that I hope I go first so I don't have to be the one to bury him there. His devotion to her is quite strong and as time goes on her memory idealized to sainthood. His 4 grown children have not accepted me while my 6 children have embraced him and their children callin him grandpa. We have been married a year and a half. He was married 42 years before and I 31 years. I only get more depressed with his idealization of her and how I can never be quite as accomplished as her. He professes his love for me but I feel that I am more a fill in for his time now. We have yet to take a trip ourselves for a honeymoon as he feels this is for first time marriages. Our trips are visiting my children. I really need help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-42829116992634165002016-05-31T12:18:24.486-04:002016-05-31T12:18:24.486-04:00I have been dating a wonderful man for 5+ years. W...I have been dating a wonderful man for 5+ years. When I met him, his wife was gone from cancer for 6 years. He claims they had a great marriage and had 2 children together. 3 months after I started dating him, his daughter (age 31) got diagnosed with cancer and passed away 4 months later. He has one son left (now 33) who is very socially delayed and quirky. I was in a bad marriage with someone who cheated on me and didn't want to be in the relationship. We stuck it out for 28 years for the sake of our 2 children who are now grown and independent. There are tons of things in his house from his life with his wife, including clothes, makeup, shoes, pictures and of course all of her decorations. He claims he loves me but I realize I will always be probably #3 after his son and himself. At this stage of life (56), I want to be my partner's #1. He asked me to help sort and get rid of his wife's things, but of course won't let anyone get anywhere near his daughter's things. When I was going through the wife's makeup drawers and saw the huge redundancy and material waste, I got upset. I guess he loved her so much he did not care what she spent or what she did. They had the means but it still makes no sense to me that someone would be so wasteful and spend so much. Not sure why I was bothered so much by this. Can anyone offer me some ideas? I thought maybe I am jealous that I was never loved like she was and not sure if I will ever be by this man. He has experienced so much loss, I'm not sure he can fully love me. He didn't like that I mentioned it and was bothered by it. I too am tired of always hearing stories about his wife but not sure what his response will be if I mention it. I guess it is okay for him to speak of his W because she is gone and he loved her, but I can't talk of my ex because I am divorced and he wasn't nice to me or honest. He also is so unnaturally connected to his very immature son and my 2 sons are so independent and on their own paths. I know everyone has baggage but it is hard to compete with the deified dead wife. Don't know if I should call it quits or just accept that I will be loved but not like he loved his wife. Scared and confusedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06146718772327860749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-28490137367900526932015-11-04T11:29:33.807-05:002015-11-04T11:29:33.807-05:00I dated W years ago and had not talked to him unti...I dated W years ago and had not talked to him until a couple months after his wife died suddenly. It's been a year now since her death and we've been seeing each other 8 months now. He's great except for the fact he can seen to move on. He goes to his wife grave (once while I was with him ) and I am okay with that. But he has many times told me how much he misses her and calls crying about her. He says he loves me but in the next breath he says but I loved her so much. He can't seem to say anything good about us without saying how wonderful it was worth her. It's almost like he's talking to her. Like "I love you so much but I loved you too" as he's looking up. It's like he feels guilty about caring for me. <br />He went on a trip recently and I asked him if he was having a good trip. He told me that he went to the place where she first told him that she loved him and it was hard to be there without her.<br />I know that he loved her and will always love her but why does he keep telling me these thing about how he can't imagine being somewhere without her? And about the place where she first told him she loved him. <br />I have tried to talk to him about it but he gets mad and yet he doesn't want me to talk about my former spouse. He has a set of rules for me and a set for him. I'll always be second to him, I can tell. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-64237259292683098052015-09-12T22:42:20.505-04:002015-09-12T22:42:20.505-04:00I thought for a second I was being selfish with my...I thought for a second I was being selfish with my thoughts, but after reading a few posting, I quickly realized that there are people out there that is going through the same things as me. I am in a long distance relationship with an old friend who is now a widower with 3 grown children 18,17,10. <br />After talking periodically on the phone and we became close. But once we start visiting each other it became very apparent that this individual is not ready to move forward. Every time I attempt to engage said individual in things out of his norm, his first response well "WE" never use to go here or we never do this"<br />Secondly, him and I talked about him moving from the apartment him and his decease wife once shared. He agreed and stated he always wanted to do that, minutes after the conversation he voice a million and one excuses why he should stay in the apartment. I was shock so I didn't say anything. But I am concern and uncomfortable being in that apartment. Everything is still in the same position after three years of his wife passing. He has not gotten rid of anything. Not even the bed and pillows. But he expects me to sleep in comfort.<br />Thirdly, I notice he is very accommodating with his children. he allow them to do what they want to accommodate for the passing of their mother. <br />Fourthly, took me around his friends and family when asked who I am _------------ ------ not my intended girlfriend or a potential girlfriend. Oh the relationship is not officially but yet we are sexually involved.<br />The last thing that blew my mind I was at a birthday party held for his dad a few weeks ago. He introduce me as his girl to one person but was showing a few guess his decease wife picture stating this is my wife. My mother who was in attendance at same party witness the entire situation. she spoke to me and I didn't know how to act. I told my partner days after the party. I felt he is putting me in a position where I feel as if I am competing with his dead wife. Please tell me am I over acting or being selfish.....<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-10974414844988043922015-09-11T07:50:43.299-04:002015-09-11T07:50:43.299-04:00Hi all.
After ending a bad relationship 5 years ag...Hi all.<br />After ending a bad relationship 5 years ago I decided to take the time so I wouldnt be jumping into another bad relationship. 6 months ago I was reconnected with my Long time love. He has twins and his wife of 4 hours..yes 4 hours has passed. They married on her deathbed to secure he would keep the twins but they had been in a relationship for 6 years before she passed. We are now in a relationship again and everything has been perfect my 3 love him and his 2 love me..so much so he is moving countries to be with us. All sounds perfect but... last week when visiting in London he had a phone call from an old friend who gave his sympathies and as he was telling me about it I was walking up the stairs and he called me his lw name, I froze and must have looked devasted he aplogised profusely but now it's niggling at me...is he ready? Il be honest I couldn't look at him or even talk so after a few hours I walked out and went for a run to clear my head I came back and told him it's ok as he was terrified I wouldn't come back. He's aplogised so many times but it's still there... am I over thinking? Thanks for reading xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-32906200032077433562015-09-04T12:48:07.917-04:002015-09-04T12:48:07.917-04:00Relationships with adult children are often diffic...Relationships with adult children are often difficult. It takes a great deal of emotional maturity and the adult daughter wanting her father to be happy. ANONOMOUSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-3534758962470375652015-05-12T15:25:09.361-04:002015-05-12T15:25:09.361-04:00Is it normal when the W that I have been dating f...Is it normal when the W that I have been dating for 5 months suddenly starts backing off a little?. When we are together its great. Down right fantastic, but then I don't hear from him until a week later. I think he is afraid of pulling me into his world. I want to be in his world and love him but can't quite get past this habit of his. I think it should be plan and simple : If a man even a w wants to be with you they will find time for you. Should I give space or bolt and take this at face value. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-22157379652101844002015-02-24T16:58:47.085-05:002015-02-24T16:58:47.085-05:00I just recently reconnected with a W who I dated 9...I just recently reconnected with a W who I dated 9 years ago. I had to end things back then as he was obviously not ready to move on. We have been spending time together again and I am going through one of the same qwerks all over again. He constantly refers to the LW as "The Wife". How can I get this to stop without hurting any feelings and having my feelings considered? I feel like I am a mistress to his deceased wife. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-38924734737231763092014-09-11T19:46:57.470-04:002014-09-11T19:46:57.470-04:00I am so glad to have found this site. I've bee...I am so glad to have found this site. I've been dating a W for almost 6 months. He's the first man who I have actually thought wanted something real. As with everyone here, the constant reference to "Saint Marci" is getting old. Very old. He lost her 4 years ago.. suicide. She chose to leave him. He still lives in the house where it happened, and still has pictures of her/them all over the house. He has taken 2 down, after I commented on feeling like I was being stared at. (Most of them are in his bedroom!). I know the story of how they built the house with her mother coming to live with them in mind (he still refers to her as "Mom".) I hear how everyone LOVED her (but two of the women I've met who were her GOOD friends both had less than saintly things to say). I know how SMART she was, how THIN she was. He claims he only mentions her when it's something relevant, but that just isn't true. He also still has all of her clothes in the dresser and closet just like she left them. Just when I think I can't take it anymore, he says one of her friends is going to come help him go through her clothes. Still waiting. I love this man. But I am so afraid of having to compete with a memory indefinately. It's hard to explain to my brother, my daughter, my 13 yr old granddaughter who that woman in all of the pictures is. Yes....so confused is exactly how I feel. <br />I know this takes time...but it's been 4 years. At what point is it not normal to get his clothes out of the house???<br />Heavy hearted.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-21982094453983504902014-05-27T13:39:57.763-04:002014-05-27T13:39:57.763-04:00I am a GOW for about 10 months now. My W has lost ...I am a GOW for about 10 months now. My W has lost a substantial amount of family including his LW within a matter of months of each other so I know the grieving process will be much longer. His LW passed about 8 months prior to us meeting from kidney cancer in which he spent a great deal of him time taking care of her. Don't get me wrong he's a great man and I know he loves me deeply and really tries to be sensitive to my feelings when he talks about her and I understand his grief but when you're called by his LW "pet name" at least once sometimes twice a month it's hurtful. I start to feel that he would rather have her next to him instead of me. I start to feel like I need to measure up to his LW and I can't nor should I have to. I'm just wondering if perhaps we met too soon after his LW's passing...so confusedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-34058654863381795772014-05-20T20:06:43.594-04:002014-05-20T20:06:43.594-04:00Ive been looking for someone to speak to about my ...Ive been looking for someone to speak to about my relationship with a W and the problems that I have. My story is that we met nearly 2 years ago at a wedding and he totalling whisked me off my feet, his LW had died 9 months previously and for the first months he talked about his LW all the time and every time I spoke about something he would add his story which involved his LW but as I was very understanding and listened to him quite often and helped where I could in being an ear for him and a shoulder to cry on. We became very close very quickly and fell in love, he has 4 grown up children I think the world off and as I understand it they are the same about me and have accepted me into their lives as their dad's partner and are happy for him and our relationship, Unfortunately recently we parted, the fourth time in 2 years where he goes through a withdrawing stage and we fall out. Our last conversation was that he cannot let go of the past and move on, its as though he keeps punishing himself and wont allow himself to be happy and then pushes me away but not right out of his life, he still wants to be good friends, to have all the closeness and friendship but without any commitment. I asked him if he wanted to let go of the past and he said no, I said letting go doesnt mean that he loves his LW any less or that moving on means that he will ever stop loving her or forget her, which I totally understand but he doesnt want to do anything about helping himself sort himself out to move on. I love him and he loves me and said he cant cope without me in his life but only as good friends, should I give up and move on? I really dont know what to do any more please help? Carolenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-68122565481767951722014-05-02T13:46:21.908-04:002014-05-02T13:46:21.908-04:00I am engaged to a W and things are going very well...I am engaged to a W and things are going very well. He is about ten years older, I am in my 40's and he is in his 50's. I have had the run of emotions like everyone, and have been able to handle most situations. The one thing I cannot get past is the fact that his name is on her gravestone. How do others feel about this? It shouldn't matter that much, but I feel paralyzed everytime I think about this subject. They were married 15 years and had no children together. Do I even bring this up? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-28421879490557839122014-04-28T15:35:48.575-04:002014-04-28T15:35:48.575-04:00Wow, friends don't know what you're talkin...Wow, friends don't know what you're talking about when you tell them you're dating a widower and that there are issues because of it. So, you're pretty much alone in this situation, except for these stories online. <br /><br />I am in the same situation so I don't think I need to tell my story since it's the same as everyone else's. It's amazing to read, over and over, the very same thing!!<br /><br />So, my question is: What can you do about him droning on and on about the LW? What can you do about always being compared to the LW? Is it okay to be very direct and tell the W to knock it off - that I'm sick of being the other woman, listening to everything I say be taken back to what she said/did, hearing how perfect she was. Sometimes I think he doesn't even really see me as a person who means anything to him since his LW has his heart.<br /><br />I've only been dating him for 2 months and I see a pattern that might last forever. I haven't let myself really fall in love with him, and it's the first time I've ever been involved with a widower. Even though he seems like a great man (compared to so many others that I've dated), I think I need to bolt from this relationship. Because bottom line is - I have a feeling that I will NEVER be #1 to him and that's just not right.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-17778765722863875802013-10-25T16:58:16.087-04:002013-10-25T16:58:16.087-04:00HELP! I am dating a widower. He is possibly the mo...HELP! I am dating a widower. He is possibly the most thoughtful, romantic man I've dated but I'm still trying to manage how I feel about this situation. I've mostly accepted that I would be sharing him with his deceased wife and I'm even OK with talking about her but there is one issue I have....Today, I learned that the headstone for his late wife has his name on it for when he dies. He intends to be buried with her. I am so at odds with my feelings right now that I just don't know how to approach this or what to even think of it. She died 5 years ago and we've only been dating a couple months but I'm not sure if this is a red flag and I should just let him go or if I should say something or if I should just accept it. I'm really hoping that someone with some experience in this arena can give me some advice. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-13836354291210929762013-06-05T11:51:54.040-04:002013-06-05T11:51:54.040-04:00I just wanted to say that you statement about want...I just wanted to say that you statement about wanting to be someone's #1 really hit home. I am in a "relationship" with a widower and this was LW birthday month. Last night he informed me on a phone conversation that he and his family and LW mother celebrated the birthday at LW favorite Chinese restaurant, complete with birthday cake. He also added that he intends to be buried next to her upon his death. I have not been invited to his home yet (we have been seeing each other for 10 months and live in different states) and his kids and grandkids are his world.<br /><br />I am thinking this is not a healthy relationship for me but there are times that I feel so close to him and he actually feels "normal" and those are the times that keep me holding on. <br /><br />But, in my heart I know the truth: She will always hold his heart and I feel like a side-show. <br /><br />I wish I had read these pieces of heartbreak before getting involved with a widower. I will never agree to date another one again. Truth be told, after this fiasco, I would much rather be with a man that can't stand his living ex. than feel like this.<br /><br />DonnaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7973994758641403598.post-19726625185444955192013-04-22T14:47:25.891-04:002013-04-22T14:47:25.891-04:00I met my W a month after his wife passed away from...I met my W a month after his wife passed away from ovarian cancer. We became good friends, I'ts been two years since she passed. It's been a long and hard road, dating a W let alone falling in love with one is probably one of the hardest things I've ever been through. He's a good man and has alot of qualities I just love. We are so compatable in so many ways. My past realtionship with my ex was a very abusive, both verbal and physical and I just feel with my W, everything is so different, we actually talk things out and get along so well. I know he will always love his wife and I completely understand that, but what bothers me is when he tells me things about how is wife was a size 3 and well I'm an 11/12, how is wife was a great cook, great at washing his clothes, great at cleaning, I guess I feel like I will never be better than her. I don't feeling this way, but constantly being reminded how great his wife was and she was just everything he ever wanted in a woman, makes me sad. He now lives with me, this just happened about 2 months ago, our relationship is good. I do Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com